Helping Your Child Navigate Big Feelings with Evidence-Based Therapies
Written By: Dr.Layne Raskin
If you’ve ever found yourself overwhelmed by your child’s big emotions—whether it’s a full-blown meltdown in the grocery store or quiet tears at bedtime—you’re not alone. Big feelings are a normal part of childhood, but they can feel anything but manageable in the moment. As parents, it’s easy to question whether we’re doing enough, doing it “right,” or simply doing the best we can with tools we never learned ourselves.
The good news? You don’t have to navigate this alone, and your child doesn’t either. Evidence-based therapies like CBT, DBT, and certina play-based therapies like DIR/Floortime offer practical, research-backed ways to help children understand, express, and manage their emotions. In this post, we’ll walk through what big feelings really are, how to tell when your child might need extra support, and what tools you can use—at home and with professional help—to guide them through it all with confidence and compassion.
Understanding Big Feelings in Kids
Why Emotions Feel So Big for Little People
We often think of emotions as something children need to “control,” but the truth is—they're still learning what emotions even are. That’s why those everyday moments that seem small to us—a broken cracker, the wrong color cup, a sibling getting more bubbles—can feel huge to them. Their reactions aren’t dramatic for the sake of drama; they’re developmentally appropriate responses from a brain that’s still under construction.
The Science Behind Big Feelings
Children's brains are wired differently than adult brains. The part of the brain responsible for managing emotions—the prefrontal cortex—is still developing well into the mid-20s. Meanwhile, the emotional center of the brain, the amygdala, is fully online and firing fast. That means kids feel emotions intensely, but they don’t yet have the brain power or vocabulary to make sense of them, much less regulate them in the moment.
Think of it this way: your child is essentially driving a race car (their emotional brain) with bicycle brakes (their still-growing regulatory system). It’s not about willpower—it’s about wiring.
Why Words Fall Short
Young children often don’t have the words to say “I feel overwhelmed,” or “I’m scared I won’t be good enough.” Instead, those feelings show up through behavior: tantrums, clinginess, defiance, even silence. It can be easy to misinterpret these moments as misbehavior, when in fact they’re often signs of dysregulation—your child’s nervous system signaling, I need help coming back to calm.
It’s Not About Stopping the Feeling
One of the most powerful shifts we can make as parents is moving from “How do I stop this feeling?” to “How can I support my child through it?” Big feelings aren’t bad—they’re messengers. And when we teach our kids to name, understand, and express those emotions safely, we’re helping them build lifelong tools for resilience and self-awareness.
A Real-Life Example
Take, for instance, the classic meltdown over the blue plate instead of the red one. It might seem like a simple preference, but often, it’s a child’s way of saying: I feel out of control, or I had a hard day and this was the last straw. By slowing down and connecting—“You really wanted the red plate. That feels frustrating, huh?”—you’re not just soothing the moment. You’re helping them build the internal script they’ll eventually use on their own.
When to Step In – Recognizing Dysregulation vs. Development
Meltdowns, Shutdowns, and What’s Typical
All kids have big feelings. Tears, tantrums, slammed doors—it’s part of growing up. Emotional intensity isn’t just expected; it’s a sign that your child is learning to engage with the world and their inner experience. But as a parent, you might wonder: When is this normal? And when might my child need extra support?
Let’s talk about that line between what’s developmentally expected and what might signal deeper dysregulation.
What’s Developmentally Normal?
It’s completely typical for toddlers to throw tantrums, for preschoolers to cry when routines change, and for school-age kids to feel all-or-nothing about things like fairness or friendships. These behaviors usually show up in specific situations (like transitions or disappointments), and your child generally returns to baseline once they’ve had time, connection, or comfort.
These moments can still be hard, but they’re not necessarily cause for concern. They’re moments for coaching and connection.
Signs you’re seeing typical development:
Emotions tend to be intense but brief.
Your child can become calm with support (even if it takes time).
There's clear progress over time in emotional expression and recovery.
Behaviors are situational and not constant across settings (e.g., home vs. school).
When It Might Be More Than a Tough Day
Sometimes, big feelings are more than just part of the age and stage. Emotional dysregulation—when a child regularly has difficulty managing their emotional responses—can interfere with everyday life and relationships.
Think of dysregulation not as a diagnosis, but as a signal: your child may need new tools, more support, or a different way of being understood.
Signs that your child may be struggling with dysregulation:
Frequent meltdowns that last a long time and are hard to redirect.
Aggression, self-harm, or unsafe behaviors during emotional moments.
Withdrawal, shutdowns, or “numbing out” when overwhelmed.
Ongoing struggles with anxiety, fear, or sadness that don’t seem to improve.
Emotional outbursts that happen across multiple environments (home, school, public).
Your child seems “stuck” in a pattern, despite your best efforts.
These signs don’t mean something is wrong with your child. They just mean your child is having a hard time—and may benefit from extra tools or therapeutic support to make sense of what they’re feeling.
The Parent Gut Check
Sometimes the clearest signal isn’t a checklist—it’s your gut. If you find yourself walking on eggshells, avoiding triggers, or feeling helpless day after day, that matters. You know your child better than anyone, and if something feels off, it’s okay to ask for help. You’re not being overdramatic or too sensitive. You’re being attuned—and that’s a gift.
Reframing Intervention
Reaching out for support doesn’t mean you’ve failed. In fact, recognizing your child’s needs early on—and responding with care and curiosity—is one of the most powerful ways you can show up for them. The earlier kids learn that emotions are manageable, not scary, the more confident and resilient they become.
How Evidence-Based Therapies Can Help
Tools That Actually Work – Backed by Research and Real-Life Results
When your child is having a hard time, it’s natural to want solutions. But what you really want is help that helps—something practical, effective, and tailored to your child’s unique needs. That’s where evidence-based therapies come in.
These are not one-size-fits-all fixes. They’re approaches that have been studied and shown to support kids in understanding and managing their emotions in healthy, developmentally appropriate ways. Let’s walk through a few of the most effective options.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Helping Kids Understand the Connection Between Thoughts, Feelings, and Actions
CBT is one of the most researched and widely used therapies for kids—and for good reason. It teaches children to notice the thoughts they’re having (“I’m going to mess up”), recognize the feelings that follow (anxiety, fear), and then choose how to respond (avoid or try anyway). For kids who struggle with anxiety, low self-esteem, or emotional outbursts, CBT offers a roadmap toward self-awareness and self-regulation.
What it looks like in practice:
A child learns to spot “worry thoughts” and replace them with more helpful ones.
Therapists may use visuals, games, or stories to make abstract concepts feel concrete.
Kids practice skills in real-life situations—like speaking up in class or calming down before bedtime.
Real-life example:
Liam, age 8, used to cry every morning before school, convinced he would get in trouble. Through CBT, he learned to challenge the thought “I’m going to do something wrong” with “I’ve followed the rules before—I can handle today.”
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) for Kids
Balancing Big Emotions with Mindfulness and Coping Skills
Originally designed for teens and adults, DBT has been adapted for younger children—and it’s incredibly powerful for those who feel everything deeply. DBT teaches kids that two things can be true at once (dialectics): “I’m really angry, and I can still make a safe choice.”
It helps kids build four key skills:
Mindfulness – noticing feelings without being overwhelmed by them
Distress tolerance – managing hard emotions without acting out
Emotion regulation – understanding what triggers big feelings and what helps calm them
Interpersonal effectiveness – asking for what they need in kind, clear ways
What it looks like in practice:
Breathing exercises, body scans, and sensory tools
“Feelings thermometer” charts and role-play scenarios
Using scripts like “I feel ___ because ___. I need ___.”
Real-life example:
Sophie, age 10, would shut down or scream during transitions. DBT helped her name what she was feeling in the moment, and she learned to say, “I’m feeling nervous about the change. Can you tell me what’s next?” instead of lashing out.
DIR/Floortime: Meeting Kids Where They Are—Through Play
DIR/Floortime is a relationship-based model that uses play as the primary way to support emotional and developmental growth. It’s especially helpful for kids with autism, sensory challenges, or relational difficulties, but its principles apply to many children who struggle with big feelings.
The idea is simple, but powerful: instead of trying to stop a behavior, therapists join the child in their world—on the floor, in play, at the child’s level. From there, they build engagement, expand communication, and encourage flexible thinking and emotional expression.
What it looks like in practice:
A therapist joins a child stacking blocks and begins to build alongside them, slowly introducing new ideas or challenges (“What if our tower has a secret door?”)
Over time, the child learns to tolerate frustration, respond to new ideas, and express thoughts and feelings through shared play
The focus isn’t on correcting behavior—it’s on building emotional connection and developmental capacities from the inside out
How Play Is Used in CBT and DBT for Kids
Even in more structured therapies like CBT and DBT, play is woven into the work—not just to keep kids engaged, but to help them learn. Children process the world differently than adults; they need hands-on, imaginative, and often movement-based tools to understand abstract ideas like thoughts, feelings, and coping strategies.
Examples of play-based tools in therapy:
Using puppets or storybooks to talk about worry thoughts
Drawing or role-playing to explore choices and consequences
Playing games that practice taking turns, tolerating frustration, or trying again after failure
Acting out problem-solving scenarios or using art to show how anger feels in the body
Building emotional vocabulary through card games or matching activities
Why It Matters for Parents to Understand This
When a child says, “We played with blocks,” what they might really be saying is:
“I practiced staying calm when the tower fell.”
“I learned how to work with someone instead of controlling everything.”
“I felt safe enough to try something new.”
That’s powerful emotional work—and it starts with meeting your child in the world they understand best.
The Takeaway for Parents
You don’t have to figure out every strategy yourself. These therapies are powerful not only because they work—but because they’re designed with children’s brains and emotional needs in mind. When guided by a trained therapist, kids learn that emotions aren’t something to fear or avoid. They’re something they can understand, manage, and move through—with support.
And here’s the best part: You’re part of the process. These therapies often include parent involvement, which means you’ll get tools, language, and confidence to support your child not just in sessions—but in everyday life.
What You Can Do at Home (Even if You’re Not a Therapist)
Small Shifts, Big Impact
You don’t need a therapy license or years of training to help your child navigate their emotional world—you just need a few steady tools, some patience, and a lot of compassion (for them and for yourself).
What matters most isn’t doing it perfectly—it’s showing up with curiosity, calm, and connection. Here are some simple, evidence-based strategies you can use at home to support your child through big feelings.
1. Emotion Coaching 101
At its core, emotion coaching is about helping your child name and understand what they’re feeling—without trying to fix it right away.
Try this 3-step approach:
Name it: “You’re feeling really frustrated because your tower fell.”
Validate it: “That makes sense. You worked so hard on it.”
Support it: “Let’s take a deep breath and figure out what to do next.”
Naming emotions helps kids learn that their feelings are real, understandable, and manageable. It’s the first step toward building emotional literacy.
2. Practice Co-Regulation
Before kids can self-regulate, they need to co-regulate—meaning they borrow your calm while learning how to calm themselves. That’s why your presence matters more than any script or technique.
What co-regulation looks like:
Sitting beside them during a meltdown and saying, “I’m here. You’re safe.”
Using a calm voice and slowing your own breathing so they can mirror you.
Offering a hug or a grounding object (like a soft toy or a sensory item) when words are too much.
Even if your child can’t respond yet, your calm is helping to rewire their brain for safety and trust.
3. Create an “Emotions Toolbox” Together
Having a few go-to calming strategies can make emotional moments feel more manageable for both of you. Involve your child in building a personalized toolbox of coping tools.
Ideas to include:
Drawing or coloring
Blowing bubbles to practice deep breathing
Listening to a calming playlist
Practicing “turtle breaths” (slow in, slow out)
Reading a favorite story in a quiet corner
Playing with sensory items like putty or kinetic sand
You might even make a visual chart or a “calm down kit” they can grab when needed.
4. Use Simple, Supportive Scripts in Tough Moments
Sometimes we freeze when our child is spiraling. Try a few simple phrases you can lean on when emotions are high:
“You’re having a big feeling. I’m right here with you.”
“It’s okay to feel angry. Let’s find a safe way to let it out.”
“Your feelings aren’t too big for me.”
“You can feel upset and still be kind.”
These scripts do two powerful things: they validate the emotion and reinforce safe behavior boundaries.
5. Reflect After the Storm
The real learning often happens after the hard moment—not during it. When your child is calm again, revisit what happened with curiosity, not criticism.
Try saying:
“That was a really tough moment. What do you think was going on?”
“How did your body feel when you were upset?”
“What helped you calm down?”
“What could we do next time that might help sooner?”
This builds your child’s emotional awareness—and helps them learn that mistakes are part of learning, not something to be ashamed of.
You Don’t Need to Be Perfect—You Just Need to Be Present
These small shifts at home are powerful. They don’t erase big feelings, but they guide your child through them with safety, connection, and compassion. Over time, those moments of co-regulation and emotional reflection add up—they become the foundation of resilience.
And remember: when you model emotional awareness, you’re not just teaching your child how to manage feelings—you’re teaching them that emotions are safe to feel, and that they’ll never be alone in them.
Conclusion
Big feelings can be overwhelming—for kids and for the parents who love them. But with the right support, those hard moments can become powerful opportunities for growth, connection, and resilience. Whether you’re building emotional tools at home or exploring therapy as a next step, know this: you’re not falling short—you’re showing up. And that matters more than anything.
Your child doesn’t need you to be perfect. They just need you to be present, curious, and willing to walk with them as they learn to navigate their emotional world. One step at a time, one feeling at a time—you’re doing it. And you’re not alone.
At Everyday Parenting, we believe in empowering families to create meaningful connections and navigate challenges with compassion and confidence. Whether you're seeking strategies to address specific behaviors or simply want to strengthen your family bond, we’re here to support you every step of the way. Contact us today to learn how our evidence-based approaches can help your family thrive.